Gifts from Your Bosshole

It’s not easy to work for a bosshole. In fact, it can be frustrating, depressing, and even debilitating. And during the holiday season, we’re guessing you may be thinking about all kinds of interesting “gifts” you’d like to give your bosshole as payback for the frustration you’ve experienced over the past year!

But we advise keeping those creative gift ideas to your imagination, and instead coping with these feelings you have toward your bosshole by reframing the situation in one of two ways.

One way to cope is by seeking understanding as to why your bosshole operates the way they do. Learning about their natural drives, needs, and behaviors can help you understand them within the context of PI, explaining some of the frictions that surface. It has been said that “bad behavior is an expression of an unmet need,” so knowing more about their needs may identify ways you can manage up and improve the working relationship. If you’re lucky, you may even gain insight into their upbringing and life experiences that contribute to who they are. Seeking this understanding and remembering our shared humanity can help you be more compassionate, forgiving, and courageous.

A second way to cope is to find gratitude for the gifts your bosshole gives you. While it is difficult to appreciate the positives of a debilitating work situation in the moment, working for a difficult boss truly gives you opportunities to learn about yourself in unique ways:

1. Uncover your “Dark Side” 
   Often what bothers us most about other people is what we are unwilling to confront or address in ourselves. Visualize that your bosshole is holding up a mirror to you. What similarities can you see? Is there anything in yourself you’ve been avoiding that is surfacing in their behavior?

2. Label your “Hot Buttons” 
   Being able to identify and own our hot buttons can be transformational! Most often, these triggers are associated with our strongest drives and most significant motivating needs. For example, if you like to follow a well-thought-out and articulated plan, but you’re working with a boss who doesn’t give you the playbook, you will likely experience frustration on a regular basis. Or if you’re naturally collaborative, but one of the key players on your team is dominant and individualistic, this will be a trigger for you. Being able to label your hot buttons and communicate your associated needs will improve current and future working relationships.

3. Learn what NOT to do
   Difficult people can be like sandpaper for us - they can smooth off our rough edges (and we all have rough edges!).  When working with a bosshole, you can quickly identify how NOT to treat others.  Moreover, responding to a bosshole who challenges our core beliefs about ourselves by introspecting and talking with a good therapist can result in breaking out of unhealthy patterns. Interrupting these mindsets and unproductive default habits can be game-changing, and perhaps even lifesaving.

At RGV, we think the best gift you can give yourself this holiday season is to be grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow from your bosshole and to wish for their greatest good. You’re the one who will benefit most from this mindset, but your bosshole might, too.