Emerging Strong with Emotional Self-Awareness
While we know that self-awareness is important to our success in everything from relationships and productivity to effective management of people and projects, and even things like our health and well-being, it’s not something we are necessarily taught or come by naturally. However, self-awareness, and in particular Emotional Self-Awareness, can be learned- and it’s not as difficult as you might think. And as we emerge from one of the most difficult orbits around the sun in 2020, Emotional Self-Awareness can provide a solid foundation for emerging stronger.
Emotional Self-Awareness is our ability to “name and claim” what we feel at any given moment and to also understand why we feel those emotions. Without this ability, we develop what I call “emotional blind spots” which can impact how we view a situation but also how we look, sound, and act toward others. There’s nothing worse than reading frustration, anger, and disapproval on the face and in the body language of another but when you ask them if they are upset, they respond by smiling and saying, “Nope, I’m fine.” There is a disconnect and it’s like a brick wall of unawareness and no opportunity for resolution.
The other challenge with lack of emotional self-awareness happens when we are hijacked unexpectedly by strong negative emotions. It’s what happens when people describe a situation and say “I just lost it.” This amplified and intensified “over-response” to a situation is what happens when we ignore and fail to manage the internal workings of negative thoughts and emotions and they build until they explode in often negative and inappropriate ways.
So how do we build the competency of Emotional Self-Awareness? Here are some simple practices you can act on today to enhance this foundational EQ capability:
Learn about your natural behavioral drives and motivating needs. When our drives collide with others or our motivating needs go unmet, we are more likely to over-respond to a situation or even shut down. Learn about your behavioral drives here.
Label your emotions and notice when they change. Use this great, expanded list of emotional words to label the emotions you feel more accurately throughout the day. Use a journal to track what happens during the course of your day and then choose a word that describes how you feel about it. Note the thoughts you have about what happened and be willing to challenge their validity.
Learn your triggers. Related to #1 above, spend some time working to understand what perturbs, aggravates, annoys, worries, and otherwise derails you. The focus here is less on the what or the who when you get triggered and more on your internal what. What about this person or event upsets me? What am I feeling and what is the reason I feel that way? What am I making the event mean about me or the other(s) involved? Our triggers may not totally go away, but we can dramatically diffuse their intensity once we identify them and know what they are.
Openly discuss triggers, challenges, fears, and frustrations. That’s right- talk with a trusted friend, family member, colleague, coach, advisor, or therapist. Even if you don’t want to or don’t know how. These external resources can help you identify patterns and themes, and they can challenge the thoughts and beliefs that are creating the negative emotions. Want to know more about your level of Emotional Self-Awareness or explore coaching? Contact RGV here.
The goal of all these actions is to grow emotional self-awareness and help you become less susceptible to the harmful impact of stress and negative thoughts and emotions. Emotional Self-Awareness is an inside job, and a critical one if we are to emerge stronger from the challenges we face. Tune in next week for Emerge Stronger with Empathy!